Saturday, June 30, 2012

Raise the Gipper!: Chapter 9: A suit without faith, is up and lurching.

The most fun about writing this chapter was getting to write in the voice of Fox News.  My brain started to hurt a little toward the end and my hair became kind of stiff, and I had the oddest desire to wear high heeled pumps and glare into the camera as if I could hear people muttering 'bullshit!' at me, but it was fun nonetheless.  

The chapter opens with the Fox news broadcast, and then moves into terrifying Santorum, refrigerating Reagan, humiliating Mitt, and getting Joe and Aura closer together, so there's something in there for sadists, morticians, anybody who was ever bullied, and those of you who just like a nice love story about two nice people.   Sadisticpreviously bullied morticians with a sentimental side should especially appreciate it.

An excerpt from the Faux News coverage:

“Well, Jeremy, of course on line polls are not at all scientific, in fact they’re pretty much completely bogus and in this case it’s one that was made up on the spot by a high school student, but we all know that misleading non-information is always better than dead air, so here goes. The earliest survey taken since the rather startling resurrection of the former president is looking awfully good for the challenger and awfully not good for President Obama.” The young blonde woman’s head was bobbing vigorously but her chin-length hair never moved. “Preliminary results of a completely unscientific Facebook pool conducted by Britney Fern of Passaic Southwest High School appear to allegedly show that sixty-four percent of the members of the junior and senior classes think zombies are much cooler than black guys, and that includes an amazing twenty percent of the black guys in the poll, although Britney does note that the other four African-Americans she polled all say that Alfonce Wiley is kind of dumb and might not have understood the question. Now over to Mike Rotchitchiss at the Supreme Court, where, since it’s a Sunday and court will not be in session for several more weeks, he’s going to stand in front of a locked building and speculate.”