Thursday, July 5, 2012

Raise the Gipper! Chapter 14: The small cramped dark inside, is up

Raise the Gipper! Temporary freedom!: Chapter 14: The small cramped dark inside:

This one features some quite literal eating of the rich, a Santorum family quarrel, Santorums on the run in disguise, and the first on-screen appearance of Sarah Palin; the least you can do is read it, my brain hurt for days after trying to write like she talks.

This evening, the convention programming—which everyone kept pointing out had three times the audience of Obama’s record-breaking 2008 acceptance speech—was one long vamp until Reagan could make another appearance. The ice arena had been covered with carpet but the deck above it had been removed, so that the space was close to freezing, but the bright lights were on, and clouds formed and billowed in the upper reaches of the Forum. Everywhere, there were little mini-demonstrations, cheering fests, and general noisemaking by people who wanted to be on camera for the people back home.
Every few minutes the newscasters would remind anyone who might have been in a coma for the last couple of days that the newly risen Ronald Reagan would be arriving just after sunset, and that the hunt for the Santorums was still on.
But most of the time was taken up with the Draft Palin movement. Handmade PALIN-VP signs had appeared everywhere a few hours ago, and not long after there had been printed ones.
Crowds wandered through the aisles, obsessively singing:
Ron Reagan’s body lay a-mouldering in the grave,
And Mitt was lame, and Paul was nuts, and Newt would not behave,
But there were weapons to spend money on and forests left to pave,
So his corpse came shambling back!
All he needs is Sarah Palin,
All he needs is Sarah Palin,
All he needs is Sarah Palin,
Since his corpse came shambling back! 

MTV had latched onto a Palin-themed beach party. It featured American flag bikinis and Palin wigs and glasses on busty women, grinding on buff men in Reagan masks. The History Channel was promoting a documentary with the teaser, “Did Hitler Plan to Conquer Alaska with Zombie Stormtroopers?” Fox News reported epidemics of fainting and the vapors. MS-NBC covered a Westboro Baptist Church demonstration with signs that read GOD HATES ZOMBIES TOO.